National Grief Awareness Week Mourning an Ex-Partner: The Grief We Don’t Speak About

During National Grief Awareness Week, with its focus on “Growing with Grief,” it’s important to recognise all the ways loss changes us, including the often unspoken grief after the death of an ex-partner. Whether this was your first love, the parent of your child, or someone from a past chapter, you may find yourself quietly mourning, adapting, and gradually growing with this loss. Your grief is real and your growth as you move forward deserves compassion.

Hidden Loss: When Your Ex Dies

Hearing of an ex-partner’s death can stir up unexpected emotions. Whether you parted years ago or more recently, you might notice memories resurfacing along with mixed feelings or unanswered questions. Sometimes, it’s not just the person you grieve, but the version of yourself who loved them, the dreams you shared and if you share children, the unique bond of co-parenting.

Mourning the Parent of Your Child/Children

For many, the death of an ex who is also the parent of your child/children brings a new layer of grief. Not only are you mourning someone from your past, but you may also be supporting your children as they process the loss of their mum or dad.

You might feel sorrow for the relationship that was, concern for your children’s grief or even regrets about what could never be repaired. There can be practical challenges, new family dynamics and questions about how to talk to your children, honour their feelings and manage your own emotions.

Your grief in this situation is complex and valid. It’s possible to feel sadness, relief, guilt and anger all at once. Give yourself space to process what this loss means both for you and your family, knowing that no feeling is too strange or unwelcome.

Why This Loss Hurts

Ex-partners hold a part of your life story, whatever the ending. You may grieve your first relationship - the person who shaped your earliest view of love - or a more recent partner or someone with whom you raise children. Each kind of loss leaves a mark, and deserves recognition this week.

The Silence of Disenfranchised Grief

Have you found yourself mourning in silence, especially when you are also navigating your children’s grief? You might feel isolated, guilty, or wonder if your feeling are even  allowed. This “hidden” grief often means grieving in private, without support or recognition. National Grief Awareness Week reminds us that every loss deserves compassion.

Finding Your Own Ways to Remember

• Light a candle or keep a treasured photo

• Write a letter you never send or jot down your thoughts

• Visit a meaningful place

• Talk to someone you trust or journal quietly

Personal rituals help shape feelings when you don’t have the support of people around you. You don’t need anyone’s permission to grieve what was meaningful to you.​

Navigating Guilt and Unanswered Questions

Guilt is common, especially if you worry about upsetting a current partner, or you parted on difficult terms. Remember, grief does not mean you want the relationship back or that the reasons for your breakup have vanished. Grieving is simply about acknowledging the effect someone had on your life.

How Grief Might Show Up

You may notice:

• Sudden sadness or nostalgia

• Distraction or irritability

• Memories flooding in unexpectedly

• Loneliness that’s hard to explain

These feelings may ebb and flow, often triggered by anniversaries, mutual friends, or even music and places that remind you of them. Try not to judge your reactions. Grief has its own rhythm.​

Making Space for Yourself and Your Story

Your feelings are valid, no matter how old the relationship or what others say. Allowing yourself to grieve is also allowing yourself space for growth, both as you honour what was lost, and as you continue to change and adapt in its aftermath.

When to Reach Out

If your grief feels heavy, counselling can help. Therapy is a safe and confidential place to talk through emotions - regret, anger, confusion, or even relief. You’ll be heard and supported as you make sense of the love and loss in your story.​

What National Grief Awareness Week Means For You

This week is about making room for every kind of grief, including the ones not usually named, and about honouring the ways we all grow through our losses. If you’re mourning the loss of an ex-partner, you’re not alone. Acknowledging your feelings is an act of self-compassion and growth, helping to break the silence around hidden bereavement.

Need a Listening Ear?

If you’re struggling as you try to grow with your grief, no matter how old the relationship or complex your feelings, support is here. At Counselling with Lucy, you’ll find warmth, empathy, and genuine experience with all forms of loss, including the silent, complicated grief that comes with losing the parent of your children, a former partner or first love. Every story is respected here; nothing is too small or “unusual” to talk about.

Reach out in confidence via www.counsellingwithlucy.co.uk. Your feelings matter, and you deserve a space where your grief can be met with care in order to grow.