Real Strength: The Power of Letting Yourself Cry

If you’ve seen the recent headlines, you’ll know that UK Chancellor Rachel Reeves was spotted in tears on the front bench. It’s sparked all sorts of commentary - some sympathetic, some less so - about whether crying in public, or at work, is a sign of weakness, or even a reason to question someone’s ability to do their job. As a counsellor and psychotherapist, I can’t help but feel we’re missing the point.

The Truth About Tears

Let’s be honest: crying is part of being human. We all do it, sometimes for reasons we can explain, sometimes for reasons we can’t. Yet, when those tears show up in public, especially at work, we are quick to judge. There’s this persistent myth that if you cry at work, you’re not “coping,” you’re “unprofessional,” or you’re not cut out for high-pressure roles.

I see this all the time, not just in my therapy room, but in the wider world. In my therapy room, it’s incredibly common for people to feel they need to warn me if they’re about to cry - often saying, “I’m sorry, I think I might cry,” or apologising for getting upset, as if their tears are something to be ashamed of or a problem to fix. I always reassure clients that their tears are welcome; you don’t have to apologise for being human. The therapy space is exactly where you’re allowed to let your guard down and feel whatever comes up, without judgement or embarrassment.

But here’s the thing: crying is not a sign of weakness. It’s a normal, healthy response to stress, sadness, frustration, even relief. If anything, it’s a sign that we’re paying attention to what’s going on inside us, rather than shutting it down or pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t.

What’s Really Going On?

When someone cries at work—whether it’s a government minister, a lawyer in court, or a colleague in a team meeting—we rarely know the full story. Maybe they’re grieving a loss, feeling overwhelmed, or just having a tough day. Maybe it’s the cumulative effect of stress, or a moment where the mask slips and the real person shows up. As a therapist, I know that what we see on the surface is only ever part of the picture.

I always want to offer compassion, not judgement. We don’t know what’s going on for Rachel Reeves, or for anyone else whose tears spill over in a public setting. What I do know is that treating people with kindness - especially when they’re vulnerable - makes the world a better place and often helps them find their feet again more quickly.

You might also be interested to know that attitudes towards crying can differ across cultures. In some places, tears are seen as a natural part of life and even a sign of sincerity, while in others, they are discouraged or seen as a loss of control. Wherever you are it’s worth questioning whose rules you are following about what’s “acceptable”.

The Benefits - and Superpower - of Tears

Crying isn’t just about “letting it all out.” There’s solid science behind why we cry, and why it actually helps.

Tears help us process and regulate strong emotions, preventing them from building up to overwhelming levels. They also release stress hormones and activate the body’s natural calming mechanisms, which is why you often feel lighter after a good cry. Beyond the physical relief, tears are a real superpower—they take courage and build resilience, allowing us to face and move through difficult feelings rather than bottling them up. When we cry in front of others, we invite empathy and strengthen our relationships, reminding us we’re not alone. Far from being a weakness, our tears can help us heal, grow, and connect more deeply with others.

Men and Crying: The Double Standard

The stigma around crying is especially strong for men. From childhood, boys are often told “real men don’t cry,” leading many to see tears as a weakness. In professional settings, men who cry are judged more harshly and seen as less capable leaders, and even when they do show emotion, it’s expected to be controlled and only in certain situations, like sport or bereavement. You might notice that it’s often more acceptable for tennis players to cry because sport is one of the few arenas where showing raw emotion—whether from victory, defeat, or sheer effort—is celebrated as a sign of passion and authenticity.

Suppressing tears, however, can seriously harm men’s mental health. Emotional repression is linked to higher rates of stress, depression, and suicide. A stark reality given that men account for the majority of suicides in the UK. Allowing men to express vulnerability - including crying - is vital for their well-being and helps break down harmful stereotypes. When men are open about their feelings, they benefit themselves and set a positive example for others, encouraging emotional honesty over outdated gender norms.

When Tears Aren’t Welcome at Work

If you work in an environment where tears are frowned upon, showing emotion can feel isolating or risky. In these moments, give yourself permission to step away to a private space if you need to, and use grounding techniques or deep breaths to regain composure.

If you do cry at work, try to own your feelings without apology - a simple acknowledgment like, “I’m having a strong reaction because I care about this,” can help normalise emotion and reduce stigma. Confiding in a trusted colleague or manager can also help you feel less alone. Most importantly, remember your feelings are valid, even if your workplace isn’t always supportive. Seeking support outside of work, through friends, family, or counselling, can help you process what you’re experiencing.

How Do We Change the Narrative?

So, what would it take to move from judgement to compassion when it comes to tears at work, in public, or anywhere else?

• Start with Yourself: Notice your own reactions when you see someone cry. Are you quick to judge, or can you offer understanding?

• Model Openness: If you’re in a leadership role, be honest about your own emotions. This gives others permission to do the same.

• Create Safe Spaces: Whether it’s in the workplace, the courtroom, or the therapy room, make it okay to talk about feelings -including the messy ones.

• Challenge Stereotypes: Call out the idea that crying is weak, or that men shouldn’t cry. The more we talk about this, the less power those old beliefs have.

Final Thoughts

If you take one thing from this blog, let it be this: tears are not a sign of failure—they’re a sign of being human and a source of power. Whether you’re a Chancellor, a tennis player, or anyone else, you deserve compassion, not judgement, when your emotions show up. And if you’re struggling with the emotional toll of your work, please know you’re not alone -there’s support out there, and it’s okay to reach for it.

If you’d like to talk more about this, or if you’re finding it hard to manage your emotions at work or home, I’m here to listen. Sometimes, all we need is a safe space to let the tears fall and find our way forward.

Lucy is a psychotherapist and counsellor.

Get in contact @www.counsellingwithlucy.co.uk

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